At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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