I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
50% drunk capacity currently
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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