I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
