Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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