its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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