My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
