The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
