just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
