I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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