The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
