I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
