he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize