If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
