i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
