So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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