How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
