who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
