Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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