and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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