You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
