we're blogging at a bar
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
