So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
