I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
