It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
