i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
