Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Small penises have feelings too.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
