my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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