You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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