Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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