jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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