An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
