i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we should paint friendship bongs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
