Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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