you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
