remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Houston, we have a squirter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
