you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
