Your dad touched me again.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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