I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
