That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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