I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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