I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize