i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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