I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
