in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
