Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
