Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
