ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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