Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
