i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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