Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
