how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
