i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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