my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's rum buckets o'clock
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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