My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
only if we run a train.
done.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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