she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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