If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
