Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
