ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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