He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
