she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
