I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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