I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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