Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
