U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
