Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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